Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize