I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
