Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
