If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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