I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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