called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
