i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
