I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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