Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
