everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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