you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
