I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
