I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
