The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You are the jesus of drinking
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
