i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
