the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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