are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
