areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
