I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
