My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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