Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
