alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
