when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
