I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
