She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
