OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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