if i can run in heels then i can drive
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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