Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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