An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
