my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize