Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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