Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
