I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
