I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
