your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
