is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
