Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize