My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
