The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need to stop coming to work sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
