He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
