This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
