normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
