I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
