Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
