So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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