you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
