you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
