well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
