what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
