How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
