just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
