I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize