God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
