I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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