I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
