my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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