I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
