Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize