i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
