2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize