You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
