when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Randomize
