hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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