god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
