Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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