i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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