it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sorry about my life...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
