I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
