he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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