the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
