the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
