i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
