Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she looked like the before picture.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
