drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
